Returning Soon!

hello, hello. i'll update this weekend. i have a nice story to tell you - here's a teaser. =P




just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful new year. be safe.

talk soon!

Bye for Now.

still alive.
somewhat miserable, yet not bothered.
there are more important things to be thinking about right now.
enjoying time spent with the family during this holiday season.
just living my life right now - i'll deal with the consequences later.
i'll be back at the end of the month after christmas.

i hope everyone has a very lovely holiday.

love,
Audreena xx

Idiot.

i hit the 96 hour mark of fasting tonight. four days. i lost.. seven pounds? yeah, that's a positive.

the negative? super-fast heartbeat, being out of breath by doing a simple task such as walking up the stairs, zero energy, yet difficulty sleeping. also, i just discovered after all the times i've fasted, i can't laugh! it's just a silent breathing sound. the harder i laugh, the more difficult it is to breathe.

anyways, i decided i would break my fast so i wouldn't end up passing out at some point tomorrow. i made a nice salad with an egg - 100 calories.

but we're talking about Audreena, here. i couldn't just eat 100 calories! of course not!

so when my mom offered me some chocolate covered raisins (my weakness) i accepted. 200 calories.

i went upstairs and went into my drawer to find some pajamas.. there i found a king size hershey bar that my mom bought for me yesterday. i hid it and told her i ate it. of COURSE i had to eat that tonight - 370 calories !

now i'm up to 670 calories for the day. i suppose it's not that bad, but i was really aiming for low-carbohydrates today. it's the next best thing to fasting. 44 carbs in that hershey's bar alone. damn it.

at least today i found out that hershey's bars repulse me. i have a weird bloody-metallic taste in my mouth. at least i may of corrected my metabolism by eating so much after a fast. at least that chocolate bar is gone - i really should have destroyed it yesterday. i'm an idiot. i hope i don't gain it all back!

just in case, i'll fast again tomorrow. i'll ask my mom to go grocery shopping on friday so i can get some low-calorie stuff.

i made a weight-goal list a few weeks ago. i've missed my target for the last two weeks, but my weight today was my goal for this sunday. i'd really like to follow it, so i'll be where i want to be by the time i go to scotland in the summer !

A Look Into the Future.

so, i guess tomorrow is the guidance departments' deadline to let them know which schools you're applying for.

bleh.

i think i'm only applying to one state school. that's it.

my plan (as of now)
- my first choice is to go to the college i'm applying for. i want to be a communications major (concentration in film ?) and their program is really good. so good, that it's really competitive. my GPA isn't too high, my SAT scores are 100 points below the requirement, but i'm a girl - apparently not enough girls apply for the program, so i have a better chance ? how sexist.. anyways, if i get in, i get a really cool internship my senior year. After this, i'm moving to Scotland. who knows for how long.
- if i don't get into the program i want, it's off to Scotland, anyway. i'll try to look for colleges over there, maybe a relevant job, if i can. this option is so much more complicated and expensive, but it's still something that i would love to do. the ideal situation would be to find a good school, get in, and someday get a job at BBC.
- if that fails, i'm screwed, lol.

i'm feeling pretty good, though. just completed my second day of fasting! it's been a while since i could even go a day without eating. =D

Best Moment of Your Life?

my answer on the PT fourms ...

last year - 311 concert, about 15 minutes after i smoked my first blunt.

the anticipation for the band to start and the lights to turn on, the intro to the first song was extended so you didn't know when it was going to start. the song was called "Neverending Summer" - the perfect song for the greatest summer of my life.

finally, the the lights flashed on and the singing begain - the first lyrics were "I tell you what i like, this moment of unity"

the feeling of "i fucking love this band" blew me away, as it usually does at their concerts, but for some reason this particular time was just... i can't even put it into words. i just remember my body losing control - my arms just started swinging all over the pace, punching the person next to me and just jumping wildly as i was belting out the lyrics.

best moment of my life.

just thought i should share. =D

i feel like such a little kid...

so i've mentioned Macauley, right? the guy that i met this summer in Scotland, that one drunken night playing Dungeons and Dragons?

anyways, i've got such a huge schoolgirl crush on him, it's actually hilarious.

we've been talking a lot and getting to know each other through facebook (i know, lame, but we're an ocean apart) and doing those stupid questionnaire things about our friends. we usually answer the ones that come up about the other - i usually answer with stupid, funny assumptions, and he usually answers with sweet, flirtatious remarks. i feel so stupid writing this, lol.

so today there was a question along the lines of which cartoon character am i most like, and he said [some female character] because she's the prettiest !

it's embarrassing, but this totally made my day - i have super-low self confidence in my looks, to that really made me feel good, especially coming from him !

now you all know how pathetic i am. enjoy.

ps. i fasted for the whole day, today. that hasn't happened since July. maybe i'll continue ?

you may now continue laughing at the pathetic-ness of this post =D

Happy Thanksgiving !

today is a perfect to enjoy time spent with the most meaningful people in your life. thank them for all that they do for you. truely cherish the bond you share and the time you have together, for everything could change in an instant. let them know how much they mean to you. although this may seem cliche and uncomfortable for some, it's something we all need to do once in a while.

even though you'll most likely be pressured to eat loads, enjoy being with the ones you love. it's just one day, one large meal. you'll have plenty of time to work it off, or whatever you do.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. =D