i hit the 96 hour mark of fasting tonight. four days. i lost.. seven pounds? yeah, that's a positive.
the negative? super-fast heartbeat, being out of breath by doing a simple task such as walking up the stairs, zero energy, yet difficulty sleeping. also, i just discovered after all the times i've fasted, i can't laugh! it's just a silent breathing sound. the harder i laugh, the more difficult it is to breathe.
anyways, i decided i would break my fast so i wouldn't end up passing out at some point tomorrow. i made a nice salad with an egg - 100 calories.
but we're talking about Audreena, here. i couldn't just eat 100 calories! of course not!
so when my mom offered me some chocolate covered raisins (my weakness) i accepted. 200 calories.
i went upstairs and went into my drawer to find some pajamas.. there i found a king size hershey bar that my mom bought for me yesterday. i hid it and told her i ate it. of COURSE i had to eat that tonight - 370 calories !
now i'm up to 670 calories for the day. i suppose it's not that bad, but i was really aiming for low-carbohydrates today. it's the next best thing to fasting. 44 carbs in that hershey's bar alone. damn it.
at least today i found out that hershey's bars repulse me. i have a weird bloody-metallic taste in my mouth. at least i may of corrected my metabolism by eating so much after a fast. at least that chocolate bar is gone - i really should have destroyed it yesterday. i'm an idiot. i hope i don't gain it all back!
just in case, i'll fast again tomorrow. i'll ask my mom to go grocery shopping on friday so i can get some low-calorie stuff.
i made a weight-goal list a few weeks ago. i've missed my target for the last two weeks, but my weight today was my goal for this sunday. i'd really like to follow it, so i'll be where i want to be by the time i go to scotland in the summer !
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670 cals isn't so bad. I'd consider that a really really small binge. :)
ReplyDeletelol, after i wrote that, i somehow appeared in the kitchen. i'll have to up that total amount quite a bit.
ReplyDeletei figured i might as well satisfy my cravings, seeing how i'm fasting again starting tomorrow..
yeah, i know what you mean, i had a total binge day, i'm craving my third right now
ReplyDelete"the negative? super-fast heartbeat, being out of breath by doing a simple task such as walking up the stairs, zero energy, yet difficulty sleeping. also, i just discovered after all the times i've fasted, i can't laugh! it's just a silent breathing sound. the harder i laugh, the more difficult it is to breathe"
ReplyDeleteThat whole paragraph scares the hell out of me, Audreena... That doesn't sound good at all and if you're not careful, you're going to die. I don't mean to be so harsh, but with symptoms like that someone has to be. Stop this nonsense. Looks are not everything. You are a beautiful person that seems like she has so much to offer others. Why are you letting yourself waste away to nothing? You're too young to be going through this shit... If you're offended by this, I'm sorry. But somebody has to say something.
Audreena, I have personally gone a week without eating before and never experienced a single symptom you described. I also had a whole lot more body mass than I'm sure you do, which explains it. When you begin having really detrimental physiological symptoms like that, you are teetering on the edge of disaster. I don't know if you drive, but you run the risk of passing out while driving if you continue on this path. Not to mention doing serious damage to your internal organs.
ReplyDeleteEating healthfully and getting plenty of exercise are good ways to maintain a healthy and beautiful weight. To put it bluntly, no one wants to fuck a skeleton. It's truth.
I'm adding my voice to Rei's here. This is not good, and if it continues, you absolutely will do long-term damage to your body. I strongly recommend altering your behavior to something that will not result in these terrible effects.
And just in case you think I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm a scientist in the healthcare field who was married to a surgeon and learned what he did as he went through medical school, currently engaged to another doctor. I am not shitting you.
Please take care of your beautiful body. You are too precious to lose. I'd rather you were offended by my comment and took care of yourself than not being so and continuing on this path.
Best wishes for a healthful recovery.
Rei - i'm sorry if this scared you. i really shouldn't have posted it in the first place >.<
ReplyDeletei'm being careful as i can. i know "looks aren't everything" makes sense, but to a person affected by an eating disorder, looks are EVERYTHING. obsessed with body image. i wish it wasn't this way, but it is and has to be for me. it's been part of my life for so long. it's almost like telling a drug addict to quit.
Adrasteia - just so you know, the picture that i have as my profile picture is me, about a year ago. since then, i've gained a signifigant amount of weight. it's purely what motivates me. i intend to seek treatment once i reach my goal.. no, it won't be "too late" or anything. thanks for your concern, though.
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it's not like i fast all the time - this is the first time since june. i just need to lose a few more before i start a more healthy plan i've made for myself. and, if you haven't read my disclaimer that i've put in this blog, i do state that i know this is not healthy. i'm aware of the risks. but, as i said, a meth-user knows the risks too.
Are you aware that not eating puts your body in starvation mode and slows down your metabolism drastically? It's not the exercise you get or the food you don't eat that slims you, it's what your resting metabolic rate is. All you're doing by starving yourself is hindering your own progress. You're ensuring that when you do eat again, your body will be so desperate for sustenance and believe that another long stretch of famine will come that it will hoard all those calories as fat. Sadly that is the way it is. If you want to lose weight, get exercise regularly and eat lots of fruits, vegetables, lean protein, and a few complex carbohydrates like whole wheat bread and whole grain crackers. Don't eat a LOT, but eat consistently. A few small meals a day would go a long way toward fixing your metabolism. And also, when you do see a weight drop from starvation (week-long, not seriously long-term), it's mostly water weight. As soon as you eat or drink again it goes back on.
ReplyDeletei've heard it that before. trust me, i'm well aware.
ReplyDeleteit's not about losing weight during the fast, it's training myself to be in control. that's more important than a few pounds lost.
i'm not a fan of being preached to.. especially from someone who boasts about how educated they are.
sorry if that sounds hostile, but it's sort of pisses me off when people imply that i'm unintelligent.