i've been such a sloth lately.
my mom reminded me this afternoon that i have a physical scheduled for friday. oh, how i wish she had told me sooner so i would have time to prepare.. i am anywhere between ten and twenty pounds heavier than last year.. i feel like my doctor will have a problem with that.
i hate to do it, but i need to fast for the next two days. i must get off my ass and work out more in the next two days than i have in the last two months. although i'll only lose a few pounds, it's a few closer to what i was last year..
hopefully, i can make it TWO DAYS. my willpower is absolute shit now.. i used to be able to go seven days without eating, and now i can barely make it to 24 hours. i just want things to go back to the way they used to be. although they're horribly destructive, i want to go back to my old habits. why? because i feel more at home. i never get depressed like i do now. my bedroom gets cleaned, books get read, homework gets done. i look better - less miserable.
sorry if you don't agree. i just want to return to the positive, loving, happy Audreena.
Wednesday 31 March 2010
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Read All About It.
an update! where to begin.. i know! i'll look at my calendar and highlight (somewhat) important events.
- i went to a Tegan & Sara concert with someone i'm just beginning to form a decent friendship with. she invited me to this concert, and i was super-excited because i hadn't been to a concert since June. i didn't really know much about Tegan & Sara.. i knew i liked their music, but i had no idea that they were sisters and they "attract a primarily lesbian audience," or so my friend told me on the way there. just so you know, i have absolutely no problem, what-so-ever with same-sex relationships, but i wasn't expecting to see so many girls (and guys) with their partners, publicly displaying their affection for each other. it bothered me a little bit (not the lesbian part - i just feel uncomfortable when people do that in public.) otherwise, it was an excellent show! quite entertaining as well...
- i spent five hours bathing 5-6 month old puppies at the shelter.. a day well spent xD
- i got together with my filmmaking group - we need to create a 15 minute black and white silent film (due next week :O.) our movie idea? zombies. it's going to be so epic. this weekend, we're planning a huge event which all of our friends are invited to join a zombie mob. i'm so excited!
- my senior class had their 50 Day Countdown party.. it was bittersweet. very hard to imagine not attending my high school next year. although i CANNOT STAND many people in my class, my life won't be the same without them. especially my friends D:
- 311 Day. i paid $12 to view a live HD webcast of the 6-Hour show that went on in Vegas. it was absolutely breathtaking - i couldn't imagine being there in person to see it.. things that perfect don't happen in real life.
- had a bit of a fight with my father (over e-mail, of course. he's in prison if you weren't aware.) the past few months, he's been making me feel like crap because i don't email him enough. i was sick of feeling bad when i didn't do anything wrong, when HE should have been the one feeling bad for missing the past five years of my life. anyways, i finally wrote him an email, bitching him out and making him feel bad. somehow, it has mended our lines of communication. it's very strange how this world works..
- SHINY TOY GUNS CONCERT. my 6th. last weekend. met the band for the fourth time and was once again invited backstage to hang out with them. it was quite amazing.
- finally, i haven't spoken to Macauley in nearly a month now.. after that drunken post i made, we had a week where we spoke multiple times, every day. now, not at all? although i would love to speak to him more often, i really don't want an everyday-communication type of thing. all of a sudden, i have realized that i hate commitment. for example, i used to follow several TV shows (including Days of Our Lives, Supernatural, Dexter..) now, i can't be bothered to watch these shows the same night every week. i can't even blog on a regular basis! that also means any new diets are way out of the question (that's starting to take its toll =/.) basically, what i'm trying to say is although i really, really like him, i don't think we'll form any kind of long-distance romantic relationship. from what he tells me, he also has commitment issues. even though i've always told myself i'd never be a "friends-with-benefits" type of girl, i'm pretty sure that's how it's going to end up.. (if he still even wants me - that whole lack-of-diet part has left me quite undesirable.)
phew. that's it. you're all caught up now. i'll try to overlook that newly formed commitment problem to blog more often =D
oh! i forgot to include a possible tattoo quote in yesterday's post..
"On the scales of desire, your absence weights more than someone else's presence."
that quote, as well as "spring, what a little moonlight can do, see the summer sun is on you all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue." is from "Uncalm" by 311. that song more significant than any other - it represents Scotland, summer, pure excitement, independence, and the love and adoration for the world, my life, and everyone in it. here's the story, which has become very dear to my heart.
last summer, i was on my way to Scotland. i left my mom and sister at the airport to venture on the journey alone. i had to make sure to get to the proper gate/terminal at the necessary times in Ireland, at an airport that i had never visited before. on the plane from Dublin to Scotland, i kept envisioning my Grandad and my favorite cousin greeting me at the airport and seeing my whole family, as well as my beautiful homeland. earlier, in the airport, i put some 311 on shuffle. i came across an unfamiliar song which was really catchy.. i listened to it once, only remembering one part from the song, ".. we are back in your teenage bedroom." after taking off, i looked out the window at the lush green landscape that was Ireland (i remember wanting so badly to be away, because the Irish security treated me horribly.) i turned on my Zune, looking for a good song to listen to. i frantically tried to search for that new song. it took me about an hour, but i finally found it. i just closed my eyes while listening to a new song, "Uncalm." i focused, on the sound of the singers' voices, as well as the amazing guitar and bass riffs in the background. i kept imagining the summer ahead and all that it had in store for me. i remember how excited, yet extremely calm the song made me feel. i ended up putting the song on repeat for the next hour or so, because no other song would make me feel the way this one did. i think i had a smile on my face the whole time.
the song ended up being my theme song for the summer. i never shared it with anyone else, but i listened to it mostly every day that whole month. when it was time to leave, my cousin went with me to the airport because he was flying out to another part of america that same day. he sat with me right up until the moment i boarded the plane. as soon as i sat down and buckled my seatbelt, i started crying hysterically. the whole way home i was miserable. i tried listening to my new favorite song, but it only made me cry harder. it represented everything that i loved, and everything that i was now leaving behind while i was traveling in the opposite direction at 200+ miles per hour.
now, whenever i listen to that song, i close me eyes and i am instantly on that Aer Lingus flight to Edinburgh, Scotland. i am looking out my window at the stunning beauty of the Irish isles and the Scottish highlands. i can instantly experience that astonishing feeling of excitement and happiness. while that song is playng in my noise-cancelling headphones, i am no longer on a bus in Massachusetts on my way to school, but i am thousands of feet in the air, overlooking the world below me as well as watching the morning sun rise over Britain. i can smell the airplane food, i can even remember the exact outfit i was wearing. it takes great focus, but i can spiritually teleport myself to another place in time - if only for the three minutes and eleven seconds that the song lasts.
anyways, that's why i want my tattoo to involve lyrics from that song.
that's all. sorry to keep you.
<3
- i went to a Tegan & Sara concert with someone i'm just beginning to form a decent friendship with. she invited me to this concert, and i was super-excited because i hadn't been to a concert since June. i didn't really know much about Tegan & Sara.. i knew i liked their music, but i had no idea that they were sisters and they "attract a primarily lesbian audience," or so my friend told me on the way there. just so you know, i have absolutely no problem, what-so-ever with same-sex relationships, but i wasn't expecting to see so many girls (and guys) with their partners, publicly displaying their affection for each other. it bothered me a little bit (not the lesbian part - i just feel uncomfortable when people do that in public.) otherwise, it was an excellent show! quite entertaining as well...
- i spent five hours bathing 5-6 month old puppies at the shelter.. a day well spent xD
- i got together with my filmmaking group - we need to create a 15 minute black and white silent film (due next week :O.) our movie idea? zombies. it's going to be so epic. this weekend, we're planning a huge event which all of our friends are invited to join a zombie mob. i'm so excited!
- my senior class had their 50 Day Countdown party.. it was bittersweet. very hard to imagine not attending my high school next year. although i CANNOT STAND many people in my class, my life won't be the same without them. especially my friends D:
- 311 Day. i paid $12 to view a live HD webcast of the 6-Hour show that went on in Vegas. it was absolutely breathtaking - i couldn't imagine being there in person to see it.. things that perfect don't happen in real life.
- had a bit of a fight with my father (over e-mail, of course. he's in prison if you weren't aware.) the past few months, he's been making me feel like crap because i don't email him enough. i was sick of feeling bad when i didn't do anything wrong, when HE should have been the one feeling bad for missing the past five years of my life. anyways, i finally wrote him an email, bitching him out and making him feel bad. somehow, it has mended our lines of communication. it's very strange how this world works..
- SHINY TOY GUNS CONCERT. my 6th. last weekend. met the band for the fourth time and was once again invited backstage to hang out with them. it was quite amazing.
- finally, i haven't spoken to Macauley in nearly a month now.. after that drunken post i made, we had a week where we spoke multiple times, every day. now, not at all? although i would love to speak to him more often, i really don't want an everyday-communication type of thing. all of a sudden, i have realized that i hate commitment. for example, i used to follow several TV shows (including Days of Our Lives, Supernatural, Dexter..) now, i can't be bothered to watch these shows the same night every week. i can't even blog on a regular basis! that also means any new diets are way out of the question (that's starting to take its toll =/.) basically, what i'm trying to say is although i really, really like him, i don't think we'll form any kind of long-distance romantic relationship. from what he tells me, he also has commitment issues. even though i've always told myself i'd never be a "friends-with-benefits" type of girl, i'm pretty sure that's how it's going to end up.. (if he still even wants me - that whole lack-of-diet part has left me quite undesirable.)
phew. that's it. you're all caught up now. i'll try to overlook that newly formed commitment problem to blog more often =D
oh! i forgot to include a possible tattoo quote in yesterday's post..
"On the scales of desire, your absence weights more than someone else's presence."
that quote, as well as "spring, what a little moonlight can do, see the summer sun is on you all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue." is from "Uncalm" by 311. that song more significant than any other - it represents Scotland, summer, pure excitement, independence, and the love and adoration for the world, my life, and everyone in it. here's the story, which has become very dear to my heart.
last summer, i was on my way to Scotland. i left my mom and sister at the airport to venture on the journey alone. i had to make sure to get to the proper gate/terminal at the necessary times in Ireland, at an airport that i had never visited before. on the plane from Dublin to Scotland, i kept envisioning my Grandad and my favorite cousin greeting me at the airport and seeing my whole family, as well as my beautiful homeland. earlier, in the airport, i put some 311 on shuffle. i came across an unfamiliar song which was really catchy.. i listened to it once, only remembering one part from the song, ".. we are back in your teenage bedroom." after taking off, i looked out the window at the lush green landscape that was Ireland (i remember wanting so badly to be away, because the Irish security treated me horribly.) i turned on my Zune, looking for a good song to listen to. i frantically tried to search for that new song. it took me about an hour, but i finally found it. i just closed my eyes while listening to a new song, "Uncalm." i focused, on the sound of the singers' voices, as well as the amazing guitar and bass riffs in the background. i kept imagining the summer ahead and all that it had in store for me. i remember how excited, yet extremely calm the song made me feel. i ended up putting the song on repeat for the next hour or so, because no other song would make me feel the way this one did. i think i had a smile on my face the whole time.
the song ended up being my theme song for the summer. i never shared it with anyone else, but i listened to it mostly every day that whole month. when it was time to leave, my cousin went with me to the airport because he was flying out to another part of america that same day. he sat with me right up until the moment i boarded the plane. as soon as i sat down and buckled my seatbelt, i started crying hysterically. the whole way home i was miserable. i tried listening to my new favorite song, but it only made me cry harder. it represented everything that i loved, and everything that i was now leaving behind while i was traveling in the opposite direction at 200+ miles per hour.
now, whenever i listen to that song, i close me eyes and i am instantly on that Aer Lingus flight to Edinburgh, Scotland. i am looking out my window at the stunning beauty of the Irish isles and the Scottish highlands. i can instantly experience that astonishing feeling of excitement and happiness. while that song is playng in my noise-cancelling headphones, i am no longer on a bus in Massachusetts on my way to school, but i am thousands of feet in the air, overlooking the world below me as well as watching the morning sun rise over Britain. i can smell the airplane food, i can even remember the exact outfit i was wearing. it takes great focus, but i can spiritually teleport myself to another place in time - if only for the three minutes and eleven seconds that the song lasts.
anyways, that's why i want my tattoo to involve lyrics from that song.
that's all. sorry to keep you.
<3
Tuesday 23 March 2010
I Could Really Use Feedback...
... on the following quotes.
i want to get a tattoo in June, and i really want it to be symbolic of 311. i've picked out a list of quotes that i love, but i really can't decide what i want. could you please tell me which ones you like?
(a slash mark means seperate parts of the quote could be used by themselfves as well)
- trust your instinct, let go of regret.
- lovely life, i thank you..
- spring, what a little moonlight can do / soon the summer sun is on you / all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue
- don't dwell
- uncalm
- one song could end a war
- if there's a shadow, there's sunshine
- unity
- sometimes when i'm awake, i can't tell if i'm still dreaming
although i don't know where i'd get the tattoo, the possibilities include my ankle, my wrist (for the one-word quotes,) or behind my shoulder. also, i thought about "Stay Positive and Love Your Life," but i feel like it's a bit cheesy..
the ones most symbolic to me are "uncalm" and "spring, what a little moonlight can do / soon the summer sun is on you / all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue" .. i want to know what other people think of everything else, though!
thanks =D
i want to get a tattoo in June, and i really want it to be symbolic of 311. i've picked out a list of quotes that i love, but i really can't decide what i want. could you please tell me which ones you like?
(a slash mark means seperate parts of the quote could be used by themselfves as well)
- trust your instinct, let go of regret.
- lovely life, i thank you..
- spring, what a little moonlight can do / soon the summer sun is on you / all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue
- don't dwell
- uncalm
- one song could end a war
- if there's a shadow, there's sunshine
- unity
- sometimes when i'm awake, i can't tell if i'm still dreaming
although i don't know where i'd get the tattoo, the possibilities include my ankle, my wrist (for the one-word quotes,) or behind my shoulder. also, i thought about "Stay Positive and Love Your Life," but i feel like it's a bit cheesy..
the ones most symbolic to me are "uncalm" and "spring, what a little moonlight can do / soon the summer sun is on you / all the while we don't hear the news or feel blue" .. i want to know what other people think of everything else, though!
thanks =D
Sunday 21 March 2010
Oh, Wow. I'm Really Sorry..
i just realized that it's been over a month since my last post. i'm still alive, everyone! no worries =P
i would say that my life has been too busy to even think about blogging, but that would be a lie... i've just been too lazy, tired, and depressed to do anything else.
i PROMISE i'll update tomorrow.. sort of a lot has been going on (lol, not really. don't get too excied.) i'll be sure to log on right after i clean my bedroom, clean out my car for it's inspection, and do the five loads of laundry that are waiting for me. :|
x
i would say that my life has been too busy to even think about blogging, but that would be a lie... i've just been too lazy, tired, and depressed to do anything else.
i PROMISE i'll update tomorrow.. sort of a lot has been going on (lol, not really. don't get too excied.) i'll be sure to log on right after i clean my bedroom, clean out my car for it's inspection, and do the five loads of laundry that are waiting for me. :|
x
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