i have been building up my goals/to-do list. its currently saved as a draft and i was planning on posting it tonight. one of my goals was to stop my best friend of 12 years from ruining our friendship over her (first) boyfriend.
this goal was completely shut down - maybe i'll explain later. not really a long nor dramatic story, but its enough to have me in tears. damn it, i was having such a wonderful day, too.
i need a change. once i graduate, i need to re-locate. my mom is making me stay home whilst attending college, but i can no longer stand being confined in this bedroom, a place where i've felt every emotion. there have been times that i've litterally knocked things off my bureau while jumping with excitement. other times, i've laid on the floor and had the biggest meltdowns of my life. i've prayed in here and done some sinful acts.
pretty much, i've lived in the same town and same house for nearly all of my life. i need to get away. my plan: SCOTLAND. there, i have a whole half of my family who love and miss me. i don't get to spend as much time with them as i wish. its weird to think that i've only visited my grandparents around 15 times !
....
on the bright side, i got some exciting news - my dad found out that he will be released 9 months from today!
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Well, I hope you're able to get away from it all like you want to... Everyone needs some time off from the everyday... I also understand what it's like to be confined to a room for long periods of time.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived at home, I would lock myself in my room for days at a time sometimes. (Luckily there was a bathroom connected to my room, so I didn't even have to come out for that.) I tried to kill myself in my room twice, so you can imagine the feelings attached to that... Then there's the confinement of mental hospitals, but I won't bore you with that...
Great to hear that your dad is getting out soon, too!
Wish you all the best, Audreena, hang in there.
-Rachael