An Update for Those Who Care.

oh, how i look at my life and laugh uncontrollably.

i'm in love with a guy who i don't and will never have a chance with.

my best friend of 12 years likes her boyfriend more than me - she's decided to apply "early decision" to a college in another state with him... a college that would laugh at my transcript. i know for a fact that she will break all ties with her friends. ps. i don't think ANY of my friends like me anymore.

i need to figure out what i'm doing with my life - fast. by next month, i need to have all of my applications in the mail.

... according to my asshole guidance counsellor, no college is going to accept me, anyways. i might as well start working at mcdonalds. OH, WAIT. i already applied for a job there and didn't hear anything. over 6 months ago. i apply for a different job and different store/restaurant every week. i've NEVER heard anything. looks like i'm living in my teenage bedroom until i get so fat that i can no longer fit through the doorway. my mom would rather kick me out than replace all of the door widths in the house.

i've let myself go. more than ever, i look at myself and see an obese, lazy, bitch. my mom has started to notice that i've gained a little - she didn't set me a place at dinner tonight. she claimed that she heard me say that i didn't want anything. i haven't told her that in way over a month.

oh, AND i have SATS in the morning. my friend and her boyfriend are picking me up at 7 because i don't have money from a job to pay for a car. i haven't studied. i'm going in completely blind. this is the first time i'm taking it. i don't have another opportunity. if i bomb it, i'm definitely not going to college.

dad's mad at me because i don't write him emails to jail. forgot to mention that i'm pretty tipsy at the moment and my "s" key on my laptop has broken off..

good night to all one of you who maybe read some of this. it's ok if you couldn't care less. i've been getting a lot of that lately.