... my life, i mean.
just to rewind - October was a shit month. i've never been so depressed in my life. in the beginning of november, Macauley showed up (figuratively - he's an ocean away -.- ) and imminently rescued my from that dark place. now, by january, we have been speaking on a somewhat regular basis.
(excuse me for sounding desperate and needy.)
we haven't spoken in two weeks. i talked to my cousin today (the one who introduced us) and he mentioned that Macauley called him a few times this afternoon. i was intrigued. it turned out to just be about work stuff, but my curiosity was enough for my cousin to sort of poke fun at me - i mentioned that i've been speaking to Macauley, and my cousin said he wasn't surprised, "you're pretty smitten with him - you have been since that night." i didn't realize it was that obvious.. it's not like i've spoken about him since the night we met.. (other than on Blogger ;P)
it just makes me extremely self-concious.. has Macauley been talking about me? does he want me to leave him alone? my cousin also added that he's not bringing me to a party ever again, by the way. :|
i'm thinking about not even visiting, now. i don't want to sit around with my grandparents for two months when i can be out partying (legally.)
i just feel like they're laughing at my desperation. it's pointing me to the direction of where i was in October..
once again, sorry for sounding dramatic. i read this and dislike myself.
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Oh, darling, you're being much too hard on yourself... You don't sound desperate and needy, and there's nothing wrong with your having feelings for this boy. I hope everything turns out all right between you two! <3
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